How about a little humor? Here are some fishing
related jokes and stories.
If you have a fishing joke you would like
to share, send it to us and we may put it on this page. To
send it please go the the Contact Page
or to send via email, click on the fish mailbox to the right.
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Ten common fishing terms
explained
Catch and Release - A conservation motion that
happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer
pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.
Hook -
(1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever
advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a
new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's
wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left
Hook).
Line - Something you give your co-workers when they
ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
Lure -
An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler
into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit
before exiting the tackle shop.
Reel - A weighted object
that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that
keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your
$29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
Tackle - What
your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he
wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
Tackle Box - A box
shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a
tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in
the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need
more than one.
Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing
line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight
range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming "that darn line"
for once again losing the fish. |
| A man was stopped by a
game-warden in Lake Erie recently with two buckets of fish leaving a
lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do
you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game
warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden
replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the
lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump
back into their buckets, and I take 'em home." "That's a bunch of
hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a
moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K.
I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured
the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several
minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well,
what?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?"
the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The
FISH." "What fish?" the man asked. |
Q. If fish lived on land, which country would they
live in?
A. Finland. |
Fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats
for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole
weekend" |
One day a fisherman was lying
on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand
and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was
enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of
catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking
down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday.
He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find
out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make
a living for himself and his family.
"You aren't going to
catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman,
"you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"
The
fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And
what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and
catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.
"And then
what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be
able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of
fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with
the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some
people to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my
reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was
getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of
fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees
catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And
then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with
rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you
can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living
again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this
beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what
do you think I'm doing right now?" |
Q. How do you stop a fish from smelling?
A. Cut it's nose off |
Q. What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A.
Go-carp. |
Q. What do you call a fish with no eye?
A.
FSH!!!! |
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the
wall?
A: Dam. |
A father and son went fishing
one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became
curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does
this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know
son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How
do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied,
"Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father,
"Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father repied. "Don't
rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you
mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father
replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn
nothin'."
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Fishing rule #1:
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest
fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the
better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing
will do a lot for a man but it won't make him
truthful. |
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin
that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning
shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen
baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to
the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"
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